The twists and turns in the fates of our refrigerators last week are worthy of a Greek tragedy. So here goes:

“Whurl Poole,” a play in three acts.

The setting: The royal Miller Dome, palatial home of King Frederick, his wife Queen Honey and several lazy grandsons.

Valued in their household is Whurl Poole, a half-human servant demigod with the magical power to cool food, keeping it fresh. Six years ago, new and strong, Whurl Poole had displaced loyal, long-serving Kevin Ator. He still had the cooling magic, but because he was old and shabby the Queen sent him to the dungeon.

ACT I, the royal kitchen:

Queen Honey: (violently spitting out her first sip of morning coffee) “Whurl Poole! I am poisoned! The half and the other half in my coffee is spoilt! It is but three days from the cows of Aldee.”

Whurl Poole: (in a dying whisper) “Forgive me, my queen. A fever . . .”

Queen Honey fetches her husband: “Whurl Poole is ill, my lord. Feel his bowels. They are warm. We must call Norman the Healer, who saved Whurl Poole when he was stricken last year.”

King Fred (sadly): “Too late. Yes, we will need Norman, but for his obseques for the dead.”

Queen Honey (weeping): “Yet . . . a light still shines in Whurl Poole’s eyes.”

King Fred: “I will have our worthless grandsons bear his body to Norman the Sexton for burial. First, they must move our food to old Kevin Ator in the dungeon.”

(The scene closes with Queen Honey fiercely whipping the grandsons as they carry loads of food.)

ACT II:

King Fred, returning from taking the corpse of Whurl Poole to Norman the Healer/Sexton, speaks in soliloquy: “Did I right in asking Norman to lay hands on Whurl Poole, hopeless as it seems? Might he live again but only in part, a cripple, a monster? The queen loved him so. I will tell no one.”

Queen Honey (gazing into a crystal ball as the king walks in): “Husband, the wizard-net speaks! The demigod Medea, prisoner in the land of Bridgeville Pee-A, both cools and freezes! Trevor, the Storage Unit Hermit, would yield her for a ransom of 700 gold coins.”

King Fred: “Medea? Is she not the sorceress who helped Jason retrieve the Golden Fleece, then murdered their own children in spite after he abandoned her?”

Queen Honey: “You can’t believe everything you read on the wizard-net.”

The king and queen journey to Bridgeville PEE-A, pay the ransom and bring Medea home, whipping the grandsons as they carry her into the royal kitchen.

Queen Honey (to grandsons): “Retrieve our food from Kevin Ator and place it in Medea.”

(That evening)

King Fred: “Good wife, I was wrong to expect an ill fate. Fetch me some frozen cream from Medea.”

Queen Honey: “Aieee! The cream ice is soup! The leftover roast ox and all are spoilt! We are betrayed!”

King Fred: “What dark spell is this? Medea breathes, yet she is deep in trance.”

The grandsons (in chorus): “It was you, evil grandparents. You banned Kevin-Ator. You killed Whurl Poole. Now you kill Medea. O, woe!”

Queen Honey (whipping the grandsons): “Silence! Carry her to the cart! Back to Bridgeville!”

ACT III

(Next day in the royal kitchen)

Queen Honey: “I can’t believe Trevor returned the 700 gold coins.”

King Fred (laughing): “A sword and strong arm keep a Storage Unit Hermit honest.”

(Enter two men carrying a new cooling demigod on straps slung from their shoulders. The king thanks them. They answer in an unknown tongue, bow and leave.)

Queen Honey: “Husband, this is Gee-EEE from the Lowelands. He cost twice Medea’s ransom, and I paid even more for a ‘lasting spell’ to extend his life. Pray tell, where are the grandsons?”

King Fred: “In the Tower, for treason. They hang on the morrow.”

(A rider arrives with a message for the King.)

King Fred: “The gods smile on Trevor the Hermit; he put Medea to rights with a magic wire.”

(Another messenger arrives.)

King Fred: “A note from Norman. . . Whurl Poole lives! Strong once more, praise the gods! Release the grandsons. We will bring Whurl Poole home, restored to his place. All ends well!”

Queen Honey (darkly): “He was a son to me, and I saw him die twice. I could not bear a third. Bring him back, yes, but to the dungeon with Kevin Ator. Gee-EEE has his place now.”

King Fred: “Alas, Whurl Poole. You did no wrong, yet the gods decree you suffer, as must we all.

Say, Queen Honey, what’s for dinner?”