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As I sat down to write this article an earworm began to play inside my head ... Robert Palmer's "Addicted to Love." Do you remember it?
A couple of the things I learned in college is that 1.) Everything is political; and 2.) Music, films, television shows, are political statements. Something I've learned since is that science has to define and explain everything. "Love" has been under the microscope, so to speak, for a long time. Some researchers say that whether a love relationship is good or bad, it is addiction because of the way it impacts a person's life.1
In her book, "Is It Love or Is It Addiction," author Brenda Schaefer (who holds a Ph.D.) explains how addiction works and how it affects a person.
1.) Continuing the behavior even if it's bad for you.
2.) Being obsessed or preoccupied by it.
3.) The feeling that you are out of control.
4.) The more addicted you become the more is needed to meet that "high" you so enjoy. (Also known as tolerance.)
5.) Withdrawal symptoms.
An addiction means you no longer have a choice. You need that source of addiction even though it interferes with everything about your life. You deny the pain you experience so you can justify continuing. "It's OK" Well, actually, maybe it's not OK.
Schaefer writes that "true love is life-giving, an expansive, nourishing energy that knows no limits, does not injure, but heals." Problems, she says, arise from the fear that originates in a violation of trust.
"We become driven to find relief from that pain," she said, "seeking quick fixes in the form of substances, people and processes outside of ourselves. Obsessive illnesses and addictions often result. When the attachment is to a person, it can become a love addiction."
Psychoanalyst Eric Fromm said most attempts to love don't succeed unless a person tries to reach his or her greatest potential and personality. He said love is expressed as care, respect, responsibility and knowledge.
Love is something we find inside ourselves when we are willing to be vulnerable enough to give it. Love is being honest to self, not denying the hurts. Love is doing everything you do with joy in your heart and an attitude of gratitude. The greatest commandment in the Bible is to love God with everything you are and love your neighbor as yourself. Some believe we are here to learn how to love one another the right ways.
"Most hearts have been injured," Schaefer writes, "and it is the unhealed heart that can lead to unhealthy attachments to people, euphoria, romance or sex." That is referred to as "love addiction."
Since the publication of Schaefer's book, research says love is an addiction, good or bad. All of this certainly begins to explain why some people cannot leave their relationships, why they choose to endure the hurts inflicted on them by someone they care about.
Most of us want good, happy, satisfying, solid relationships. Relationships require participation, communication, a willingness to heal the heart and trust again. Not easy. Love is unconditional. It grows with the giving of it, and of the giver's personal growth.
Valentine's Day is Monday. How will you express your true love?
Addiction has no address, but Family Recovery Center does. For more information about the education, prevention and treatment programs for substance abuse and related behavioral issues, contact the agency at 964 N. Market St., Lisbon; phone, 330-424-1468; or email, info@familyrecovery.org. Visit the website at familyrecovery.org. FRC is funded in part by Columbiana County Mental Health and Recovery Services Board.